today has been so boring, this whole week has actually. the highlight of it was getting a letter from my dear friend elizabeth.

some nights all i want to do is swallow too many cigarettes at once and dream until i want to wake up. other nights i want nothing more than to walk around and live. right now i am working on saving up money so i can buy so many things! clothes, books, paper, cigarettes, lighters, weed, and drugs. yes, drugs, i would really like to know what some of the more expensive ones are like. sex has been on my mind a lot too. i want to know what it is and why it is. as i've said before i am gay, so i guess my sex will be a little different. not sex, love. i've never been in actual love, and i think 'to make love' would be fascinating!

i'm saying this because someone i don't even know more than just a hello and goodbye asked me if i could be his first, and him be my first. i politely declined the offer.

hopefully tomorrow and the next day and the next and forever my thoughts wont be like this.

goodbye, it's time for homework.

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